Rage Control Techniques 2
by Corbinaeopteryx
Summary: Dee continues to misplace his rage while Ryo sneaks around with Rose, all while they try to solve their double homicide. S&M and abuse, thanx/sorry for the 5 year wait, fans! (ADMIN: Please contact me, been messaging support for weeks trying to gain access to old account, I have an email proving past ownership of BeastCorbin, I'd like to compile the story in one place).
1. Chapter 7: Deceptions

ADMIN: Please contact me, I have emailed support many, many times over the past few weeks to no avail, and tried a couple years ago as well, and got no response. I have proof of prior ownership of the BeastCorbin account, which I can send upon request. I would like to compile this story on one account so I can rewrite some of the older chapters without having an account banned.

A/N: This is a continuation of Rage Control Techniques, my old story on my old account, which I can no longer access. Please read the first 6 chapters under my old account name"BeastCorbin" before attempting to read these new chapters, you will be very confused. I'm sorry for some of the quality of the older chapters I am trying to gain access or have them deleted or compiled so I can edit/repost them here without overstepping guidelines.

To any returning fans: Thank you so much for your endless patience (or impatience), I will be working to regularly update this story again, and hopefully it's somewhhat worth the 5 year wait for new content. 3

And, as always, FAKE and all the characters therein belong to Sanami Matoh!

* * *

 **Ch 7: Deceptions**

Drake's POV

Sitting at our desk and waiting for JJ to return was agony, it felt like five years had passed since he had left. He had probably gone up to the roof to be alone.

I could understand wanting to be alone after what he went through last night, I could understand not wanting to be seen. Maybe I'd just check on him, just a peek. As I got to the stairwell, JJ was trudging down the last flight. He was drenched in sweat and pale, despite his sun-pink nose and cheeks. His shirt was buttoned all the way up, but his tie was still slack and one sleeve was still rolled up.

"It's really hot up there." He murmured when he saw me, struggling to roll the sleeve down. His hands were shaking. He had probably come in to avoid the heat before he had decompressed enough.

"Are you okay?" I asked, closing the stairwell door behind myself for some semblance of privacy. "I was coming up to check on you."

"I'm fine, really." I straightened his tie for him when he reached the bottom step, taking care not to bump the sore areas around his neck while I tightened it. I wanted to smooth his shirt across his shoulders and chest, but I abstained, worrying it would seem too intimate. JJ was avoiding my gaze by working intently on buttoning his cuff and didn't notice my awkwardly poised hands.

"Your hands are shaking." I murmured, lowering mine.

"I took another call from Reggie. He's going to make it up to me, so he's coming over again tonight." He finally got the button in and straightened his own shirt. I was hurt, but not surprised.

"JJ-" I started.

"I know, we have plans tonight," he cut in, "but he said he'll meet up with me afterwards, it's fine." He pushed his sweat-drenched hair back and out of his face. His eyes seemed dull and distracted, not nearly as bright as that shirt usually made them look.

"That's not what I'm worried about, I'm worried you're going to get stuck in that cycle." I sighed and set my hands on his shoulders so I could look him in the eyes, trying to get him to actually hear me. "He may be nice to you for a while, but you know what he's capable of. You know that he'll put his hands on you again." JJ's lips settled into a firm line while I spoke. "I know you don't want to hear what I'm saying, but you know it's the truth. You know that's how this kind of thing goes, we've both seen it"

"I know-" The stairwell door behind me opened, causing JJ to freeze. Ted and James pushed in, navigating around us with cigarettes in their mouths. They nodded at us on their way up. JJ waited unitl we heard the door to the roof shut behind them. "I don't want to talk about this here."

"You're right." I agreed quietly. "Tonight?"

"Tonight." JJ nodded and gave me a small, forced smile. We returned to our desks. I tried to engage him with our case, but the distraction he had maintained over the past few weeks seemed amplified. I tried to force myself to focus, but I was also finding it difficult.

Why hadn't I seen it sooner? Why didn't I recognize the signs the instant he told me about Reggie? Why else would he have kept it a secret from me? He knew at lease a little bit about my father, and how he was. Was he trying to protect me from someone he knew would raise red flags from my past? If so, he was protecting the wrong person.

JJ feigned a studious facade, flipping through files. His darting eyes didn't fool me, though. He had minimal interest, if he was even absorbing anything he was reading. He was tapping his pen, biting the caps. His oral fixation always made my heckles tingle. It only took a couple hours of both of us pretending to be absorbed in our work for me to notice the small, circular blood stain on his sleeve. It looked fresh.

"Are you bleeding?" I asked, reaching to touch the darkened fabric. He pulled back slightly with an uneasy look on his face.

"I got a bloody nose on the roof. It's the dry heat." He let it roll off his shoulders like nothing, and the lack of concern with his tarnished shirt didn't sit right with me. When he glanced up at the clock on the wall I tried to discern which nostril he had bled from, and I was discouraged to find neither of them had any reddish tinge. Was he being dishonest with me? I couldn't pick up on whether or not he had broken a sweat, since his skin was still somewhat glossy from being out in the sun. I didn't want to ask him about it, I didn't want to stress him out any more than necessary. But I worried.

"It's not from the trauma, is it?" I asked as gently as I could.

"Oh, no. Not at all." JJ tried to comfort me with a soft smile, "Completely unrelated, don't worry." I nodded, still unconvinced. I would just keep a slightly closer eye on him for signs of concussion, or worse. I probably should have done so last night.

I was so stupid for letting him sleep after being hurt so badly.

So stupid.

How had I been so blinded by him, by his vulnerability, that I ignored any possible health complications the damage could have caused? My history, training, and instincts should have taken over, but instead I had coddled him. I took him home and wrapped him up, put him in bed.

My God, he could have gone into a coma, or worse, and it would have been my fault. Were my feelings so distracting that I was putting him in danger? In more danger than his new boyfriend was? Well, probably not _more_ danger, but they didn't seem to be keeping me as alert as I could be.

Am I too close to the situation? Do I need to step back? Re-analyze my feelings around him? How did Dee cope with his feelings for Ryo before Ryo returned them? How did they affect his performance in the line of duty? Maybe I should talk to him, and get some advice. But not before I figured out what the hell was going on with me. Maybe Dee could help me with that, or even Ryo. Ryo would probably be a better person to go to for guidance on that topic. Especially considering how he had to come to terms with his own sexuality when he and Dee were already partners.

I glanced over at their desk, Dee and Ryo were nowhere to be seen. They probably had a break in their case. Good for them, I wish I could say the same for us.

"Could you pass me that dusty file? The one you had to dropped between cabinets?" I asked, giving him a slight grin, trying to lighten the mood. He nodded and passed it without a shift in expression.

* * *

Ryo's POV

"They're coming in to the station for their statement, right?" Dee asked, looking over the address in the file I had handed him. "I know people in that neighborhood don't like to be known as snitches."

"Yes, definitely." I chirped, patting the edges of the pile in my arms to keep them orderly. "I also spoke to Rose about getting them a plainclothes tail, to make sure they're not followed by undesirables."

"Good call." he grunted, shutting the file and tucking it under his arm. "When can we expect them?"

"About forty minutes."

"Not bad. Do you have any prepared questions?" I flipped my notepad to the correct page and handed it to him. He looked it over briefly before nodding and closing it. "I'll go set aside a room for when they get here." he tapped me on the chest with the spiral before tucking it into the file.

"Thank you, I'll notify the front desk." We hurried in our different directions. I let Judy know we had a witness coming in and to let them in the back as soon as they arrive. Afterwards I sought out Dee and found him in conference room 4. I laid out the files we needed. "I'll print the suspect sheet if you want to browse the files, see if you find anything you might have questions about." I offered. Dee leaned forward, his palms on the desk, staring up at me from under his bangs. He took a long breath, which made me pause on my way out. "Did you need something else?" I asked.

"Come here." He tilted his head to draw me over, his eyes were so intense it almost made me uneasy. I moved closer to him, he touched one of my wrists and pressed against me, pulled my hand against him. I could feel the heat and pressure of his arousal through his jeans. "I've been hard since we left the roof-" he whispered into my ear. I coyly tried to pull back.

"Dee, we're at work-" I started quietly.

"Doesn't that make it more exciting?" He murmured, and I could smell the tobacco wafting from his skin, always intoxicating.

"We'll get in trouble, there are cameras in here." I ducked away from an aggressive kiss he tried to land on me.

"Let them watch-" he tried to pull me in again, but I refused, trying to peel his hand off me.

"Not at work, Dee-" He slipped his hands behind my thighs and turned to push me up onto the table, mauling my mouth. He had me by the back of my neck, he wouldn't let me go, no matter how hard I tried to keep my mouth closed. He was incorrigible, and it was alarming. "Dee, stop it-"

"Just touch me-" He pulled at my hand again, and I drew back more forcefully.

"Dee, NO." I pushed him off me, he lost his footing and fell back against a file cabinet. "I'm sorry-" I jumped up to help him back to his feet, and he grabbed the holster around my shoulders, spun me around to slam my chest into the cabinets. He fondled my backside roughly, and slapped it hard. Once, twice, a third time, then he let me go and stepped back. I slowly turned back toward him, stunned. At first his face was a hard mask of anger, then it slipped as he realized my state. My ass stung from his hand, and the crotch of my slacks was tented painfully. I tugged at my pants to try to hide what had happened, but Dee had already seen. A blush heated my cheeks. "I said _no_ ," I paused, trying to form the words that wouldn't leave my mouth. "You're supposed to stop when I say no, I would think that you would know that by now." My throat tightened, and I brushed my sweaty palms off on my thighs. I wasn't holding it together, and that disgusted me. "You're in fucking _law enforcement_." I hurried out to let him weigh my words against his conscience.

I slipped into the nearest bathroom and splashed my face with cold water, willing my body to calm down. I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed in and out as slowly as I could, allowing my fervor to cool. I had to steel up. I couldn't let anyone know that I had shown such a strange weakness. Not when I had a witness coming in to build upon our suspects. I couldn't be this exposed during an interview, I could barely be this exposed alone with Dee. I was ashamed that my body had responded that way, it was like nothing I had to deal with before.

Once I let out the last long exhale I felt I needed, I straightened my hair, my shirt, and headed to the copy room only to realize that I had left the pages I needed with Dee. I was anxious about having to go back to him to get them, it was an unfamiliar feeling. It was very rare when I wasn't happy to see him. I sidled back into the conference to find him leaning back in one of the chairs, foot up on the table. He only moved his eyes to look up at me from the folder he was studying when I entered.

"Forgot the mugshots." I excused, quickly grabbing the papers I needed before backing out again. I logged in to the copy room computer to scan the mugshots in, add them to a couple lineups, and print them out. I did so in a daze, still embarrassed and uncomfortable. Dee hadn't been that pushy with me since early on in our relationship, and after a few solid conversations about boundaries he had been much better about it. He was probably just backsliding little, nothing another short talk couldn't fix.

What I couldn't figure out was how I had so completely lost control of my own anatomy. I pride myself on how much control I have over these things, and simply being swatted a few quick times had taken that away from me. I shook the thoughts out of my head and logged out, pulled the lineups from the printer, and headed to the front desk to inform Judy of which room we would be in. She smiled and nodded, let me know she would personally walk them back. I thanked her and went to hover outside the conference room door.

I didn't want to go in there with him, not alone.

Maybe I could have Rose come with me, ask him to sit in on our interview. He could provide a buffer at least. No, I couldn't have him around too much, it would make me too nervous. I would slip and say something to give us away, and it would ruin everything.

I didn't have to stand and ponder for long because Dee came out to stand with me in the hall.

"You got everything sorted out?" He asked somewhat cautiously. I handed over the paper without a word. Dee hesitated, as if I might lecture him or chew him out. I wanted to, a little bit, but the rest of me was still in too much turmoil over his- what was it, an attack? I couldn't call it that. 'Attack' felt too coarse a term to pin to Dee. "I'm probably going out with the guys again tonight."

"Again?" I asked, "Isn't that too much for one week?"

"C'mon, I don't go out that often." He rolled his eyes at me and cocked his head in that puppy-dog way he had.

"Two nights in a row, though?" I chided as gently as I could.

"They're all going out, besides, I only ever have a couple beers." He leaned against the door post, not quite as a challenge, but with the cocky assurance that I expected from him.

"Except a couple weeks ago, when you came home blackout drunk and passed out." I reminded him. "What if I met up with you there? I might stay a little late, I have a few things to go over-" _with Rose_ , I didn't finish. Dee watched me for a moment, as if he knew what I had left off. He knew I had been meeting up with Rose here and there, but for all he knew it was work-related. "But I could come meet you after?"

"Maybe. How long are you planning on staying late for?" He asked, eyeing me narrowly.

"Two, maybe three hours." I answered, dropping my eyes a little, hoping he couldn't read me.

"Yeah, we should still be there, but text me before you head over so I can let you know if we are or not." He fiddled with the collar of his shirt for a moment, straightening and re-folding it. He usually wasn't one to be physically occupied by his anxieties. I tilted my head curiously at his gesture. I took it in and let him see me doing so before I met his eyes.

"Sounds good." I held his gaze a few seconds after he finished. When I realized he wasn't going to elaborate on what was bothering him I figured he must not have even noticed his own anomalous behavior, or that I had made a point of noticing it. "Are you going to apologize to me?"

"Apologize?" He asked, shifting his hips and propping a hand on one of them. "Ryo, I was trying to spice things up-"

"Remember that talk we had about boundaries? Especially at work?" Dee shut his mouth, and I relaxed a little when he didn't bring up my mortifying physical reaction. "We'll talk about it more when we get home. We need to focus on the case right now." He seemed to become more distant, and I watched while he faded back into his tough professional exterior. Hopefully he would behave for the rest of our shift.

"Alright, well, we better get in there and go over some of the initial witness statements, make sure of chronology." He grunted and headed back in. His change in demeanor put me at ease enough to follow him in. We poured over the statements until we both had a solid sense of what order everything occurred in.

Shortly after there was a soft knock on the door to alert us of our witness's arrival. We both stood to shake her hand and thanked her for her meeting with us. She took the seat we offered her across the table from us, and I began the rundown of the process.

"So, this should be pretty quick, we're just going to ask you a few things about the day in question, May 28th, at around 7:30pm that night. You mentioned on the phone you had some information about the suspects?"

"Yes, that's right. I was in the kitchen, making dinner for my husband- I remember 'cause he got off his shift early that day." She leaned forward and pressed the long leather wallet she held into her thigh as she did so. "And I heard the shots- It's not the first time in our neighborhood, y'know, so I look out the window, to see where it's coming from, I got children to protect, right? I have my kids in the other room."

"Of course." I nodded, jotting the bullet points down. "And you live directly next door to where the incident took place?"

"Yes, I do."

"And what did you see when you looked out there?"

"It was like, close to sunset. But I knew it was some boys from the neighborhood. I recognized them. Well, one of them. He goes by Chistosito. I don't know who the other boy was, but I got a good look at him, I could describe him."

"Ah, Chistosito. It won't be the first run-in we've had with him." Dee muttered, tapping a pen cap on the folder in front of him.

"He is a trouble maker." Mrs. Ramos nodded. "No respect for authority, or his elders."

"And what about the other boy, how old would you say?" I redirected.

"I couldn't tell, he could have been from sixteen to maybe twenty-five?" _16-25 yo_ , I wrote.

"How about height and weight? Tall, short, skinny, heavy?"

"Skinny, and tall. He was real willowy." Ramos fiddled with her wallet. "Ran like the wind, that kid, really fast." _Thin, willowy._

"6'?" I asked, making sure to look up from my notepad, "Taller?"

"Maybe taller, I know Chistosito is kind of tall, but this kid was much taller." Dee leaned forward himself.

"Are we talking 6'3" or 6'7" tall?" He asked.

"Somewhere in the middle." _6'4-6'6_.

"And about what time would you say you saw them?" I asked her, quickly checking the times of death and other witness accounts.

"It was after 7:30, but before 8. I didn't think to check the clock for the exact time, I didn't know how bad it was, or that I would need to come here." She rested her elbows on the table between us.

"Well, thank you again for coming in, we really appreciate any help we can get." I smiled, leaning in myself.

"Of course, detective. They were always such a nice family, it's so tragic how it happened. Losing two of your kids like that." Ramos shook her head and brushed her bangs back with a short swipe of her hand.

"I couldn't imagine." I breathed.

"Do you have children, Detective McLean?" Dee and I exchanged a look. Navigating this was always a task, you never knew how accepting folks were.

"Adopted, yes." I shifted and sat back again, hoping that was where we would leave it.

"Couldn't have any of your own?" Her eyes took on an gloss of compassion, and it made me squirm with unease.

"Not for lack of trying." Dee snickered, I nudged him to keep him quiet while I tried to find the right words.

"No, none of my own. And I'm very happy about the choices I've made for myself." I was finally able to say. Dee leaned his own elbows on the table, and I feared he would point out and poke fun at my unintentionally defensive tone.

"So, about this suspect. You said you got a good look at him, did you happen to see his face?" Dee asked, and I exhaled in relief under my breath.

"Yes I did. I saw his face, he ran right by my stoop." Mrs. Ramos nodded and pursed her lips. "I'd know that face in my sleep."

"That's great Mrs. Ramos, I'm glad to hear it." I smiled reassuringly at her. "Real quick before we wrap up, we have some photos-" I pulled out the lineup of mugshots and pushed it across the table so she could see it, and set a red pen down for her. "If you could take a look and see if you recognize any of these young men. Just mark the one you recognize from that night, and sign next to it." I watched her circle and sign the picture of Carlos 'Chistosito' Mendez, and pass it back to me. I smiled again and she returned the gesture. "Thank you so much, again, Mrs. Ramos. We'll find these guys, we'll bring them to justice." I began gathering the files and tapping the edges on the desk to straighten them. Dee stood and grabbed the few in front of himself.

"The next step-" Dee began, "is to bring in a police sketch artist, we have Jen Harmon on standby, she's very good, and quick. You should be out and on your way home in under half an hour."

"Here's my card-" I slid it across the desk to her. She quickly slipped it into her wallet. "My extension is on there, it forwards straight to my cell phone when I'm not on duty."

"Thank you so much, both of you." Ramos stood to shake our hands while we made our way out of the room. She cupped the backs of our hands warmly and quietly blessed us both. We let Jen in and closed the door, moving a few steps to the side so we could watch through the window while they got acquainted and sat to begin the process.

"Sweet woman." I murmured.

"Yeah, sweet." Dee said shortly. I tapped his shoulder with the file that held the signed mugshot.

"Could you look up Mendez's last known address, maybe call around for him?" Dee gave me a dubious face and snatched the folder from me.

"Yes, sir." He drawled, taking the file and strolling away. I folded my arms with the rest pressed against my chest and watched intently while Vicky Ramos described our second suspect to Jen. Jen would get it done and get it done well. Then we could put up posters, send them to the media, really get the ball rolling. We had this, we could bring these boys in and put them behind bars, where they belong.

Eventually Mrs. Ramos left, but Chistosito's whereabouts still hadn't been pinned down. No one knew where he was, or if they did they didn't want to tell Dee. I stopped at Rose's office on my way back to my desk in order to give him the sketch.

"Are we still on for tonight?" Rose purred from behind his desk as I entered. The inevitable blush tinged my cheeks, making me pause.

"Sir?" I replied somewhat taken aback. I checked to make sure no one was within earshot outside his office, and quietly shut the door before turning to face him.

"I was just double-checking. You never know when there's going to be a break in the case."

"There was, actually. We got a positive ID on one suspect and a sketch of the other, we need it released to the public, along with my extension." I slid the sketch across the desk to him. He didn't even glance down at it, he held me captive with his gaze for a moment. "And I do still want to keep our plans."

"Glad to hear it." He pursed his lips a little, trying not to grin.

"Dee's going out with the guys tonight. He won't be too uptight about how long I stay, uh, overtime." Berkeley smirked up at me, his eyes gleaming.

"Good, we'll actually have some time to ourselves." He put his glasses on and glanced down at the sketch. "I better call a press conference and get this to the media." I nodded and watched him dial. "I'll see you afterwards, Ryo."

"Yes, sir." I mumbled, ducking out of his office to let him focus on work. My heart was pounding at the notion of getting away with something right under Dee's nose. His back was to me, he was hunched over paperwork. I tried to even out my breath and pull myself together before I rounded him to my side of the desk. "Rose is setting up a conference with the media to release the composite sketch." I told him as I sat down, tapping and straightening files more than they needed in order to hide the slight guilty tremor in my fingers.

"Good, maybe it'll flush Chistosito out of wherever he's hiding. I've hit nothing but dead ends all afternoon." He muttered back, tossing his pen to the side and leaning back in his chair to frown at me.

"We'll find him. There's going to be movement in their community when they see their tall friend up on all the news channels." I assured him, folding my hands together, tremor still not quite under control.

"It's almost time to clock out, and nothing." Dee griped, "If any calls come in make sure to let me know and I'll be back here as soon as I can."

"Will do." I nodded. Dee stared at me for a moment, and again I was immobilized, shivers going up my spine, heart in my throat. He squinted at me a for a split second and I swore he could see right through me.

"And you're staying overtime tonight?" He asked.

"I am, I'm going to go over a few things." I licked my lips nervously. "I'm probably going to watch the press conference, wait for the calls to come in. I'll let you know if anything sounds worth following up on." He continued to stare for a few seconds longer, then shifted and stood.

"Alright, well I'm going to clock out and get a beer. I'm sick of sitting here getting frustrated over paperwork." He came around to my side of our desk and put a hand down in front of me. He leaned down over me to leave a gentle kiss on my upturned, parted lips. "I love you." He said quietly, but deeply.

"Love you." I murmured back, and he left.

Time after that seemed to crawl.

I paced impatiently in the break room, flipping through news channels on mute, checking and double-checking my phone for calls in case someone saw the sketch somehow before it aired.

Finally, the Breaking News banner flashed on a local channel, and I un-muted it. Rose was giving minor details from the steps in front of the precinct, just that there was a double homicide, we have one lead being worked on and this sketch to go on, to call the provided number. I caught myself unconsciously smiling at the sternness of his jawline, the power in his self-assured and professional demeanor. I quickly wiped it off my face and glanced toward the officers near me, who had gone quiet when they heard our chief on the TV.

Now, to wait.

I muted the TV again and headed back to my desk, hoping to catch any calls at my desk. I read over the statements from Mrs. Ramos again and listened to the silence of my desk phone.

Rose strolled back to the cluster of desks I was occupying alone. Everyone I usually worked with had gone out to the bar already. The next shift had taken their places at their own desks on the other side of the large room. We were essentially alone, the other shift was too busy with their own cases or filing paperwork as part of a punishment for excessive force, et cetera.

"Dee knows we've been meeting, doesn't he?" His footfalls behind me as he circled made me tense up.

"Of course. I haven't necessarily hid it," I tried to brush off my nerves.

"And what does he think we're doing?" I hesitated, not wanting to turn to look up at him. Dee's suspicious stares came back to me, and I felt my face heat up in embarrassment.

"I don't know, we haven't talked about it, really." I finally responded.

"He must really trust you." Rose breathed, putting a hand on my shoulder and leaning a little too near. "God knows he doesn't trust me. Not with you, anyway." He chuckled softly and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "We should get going, before time runs down on us." I let him guide me from my desk, out the back doors of the precinct and to his car. In our haste I had forgotten the file I had intended to bring home with me, but it would be fine. Rose gave me that bold grin of his and opened my car door, a hand on the small of my back as I slid into his passenger seat. It had become so familiar to me, it almost gave me the feeling of home. He took the wheel, set a hand on my knee, turned us into northbound traffic, and toward his apartment.

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A/N: Thank you again for reading! (Sorry for all the confusion!)


	2. Chapter 8: Discomposure

A/N: Didn't get this up as quickly as I meant to, but it is a lot longer than the other chapters, so..

* * *

 **Chapter 8: Discomposure**

Dee's POV

Ryo had to be fucking Rose. With the way he fidgeted and squirmed, the way he avoided the topic. I shredded the label on my beer with my claws, clenching and releasing my jaw while I watched Rose hold up our sketch. I slouched in the corner of a booth, sulking and bristling at his his smug face, taking out more of my frustration on my beer's label.

It wasn't long before JJ came in with Drake. JJ met my eyes briefly, and I looked away first as dismissively as I could so he wouldn't try to sit with me. He stayed up at the bar with Drake and their drinks. They weren't talking much. JJ looked tense, Drake was almost solemn, or maybe just distracted. It didn't matter, as long as JJ was keeping his mouth shut about us.

Rose went through the routine of thanking the public for keeping their eyes open for our suspect and headed back into the precinct. Back in to where Ryo was "staying late." Would they meet in Rose's office? Would they stay in there, or would they leave for Rose's place? Or worse, ours? I wrestled with my doubts about whether they would be taking about work, or touching each other, breathing into each others' necks.

Tension wound its way up my shoulders, through my neck, and into my temples. I made to take a long pull from my beer and was disappointed to find I had finished it. I thunked it down harder than I intended just as Drake slid into the other side of the booth.

"Hey Dee!" He said over the music. I nodded at him and glanced around for JJ. "He's in the bathroom. Do you want another beer?"

"You buying?" I asked, grimacing in place of a grin.

"Sure!" He stood again, but paused. "I have something I want to talk to you about, but not with JJ around-" he glanced toward the bathroom and leaned close to me. "He said you've met his boyfriend, is that right?"

"Briefly." I said shortly.

"Okay. Well, it's not just that-" He glanced back again to see JJ approaching. "We'll talk later." He headed towards the bar and gestured to JJ for him to join me. JJ stepped side to side a few times as Drake reached the bar, trying to decide on a course of action. He grew more and more uneasy as he noticed me watching him. Defeated, he stiffly sat across from me, his own beer firmly clasped between his hands.

"Drake wants to talk to me about your 'boyfriend.'" I told him. "He doesn't want you to know. Any idea what that's about?"

"He's just worried about me." He half tilted his head to draw attention to the ripening colors spread across his face. "Can you really blame him?" I tightened my lips at his derisive tone, hands clenched on themselves as hard as I could stand to keep from reaching across the table and grabbing him. "I told him 'Reggie' wanted to see me tonight, and is going to make it up to me. He probably thinks he's going to hurt me again."

"He already punished you for changing times on him." I said lowly, leaning in on my elbows just a little and glancing at the dark stain on his shirt sleeve where I had put out my cigarette earlier. The agonized face he had gifted me in those few precious moments came back to me, and I could feel heat rise under my collar. "Would it be making it up if he promised to fuck you right later on?"

JJ froze in place and his blush could have been seen across the room. His hands lost their grip and half of his beer spilled across the table, narrowly missing my lap, and dribbling onto his own. I leaned back and watched him scramble to clean the mess he had made. His downcast eyes, trembling lips, and long eyelashes made my chest pound with lust. Drake chose then to come back with a bottle for each of us. He pressed into the booth, forcing JJ into the corner, where he couldn't escape from me casually taking in his flustered state.

"Everything alright?" Drake asked, drying more of the table off.

"Just clumsy." JJ excused quickly. "Me, I knocked- I'm clumsy." He avoided my stare while Drake settled in next to him. Drake couldn't read the vibe at the table, so he smiled over at me.

"So you and Ryo were away from your desks for a while, did you have a break in your case?"

"Hell yeah we did." I gestured up at the news where they were still flashing the sketch Mrs. Ramos had given us. I slid my new beer closer so I could take a long swig while Drake twisted in his seat to see. JJ leaned against the wall, elbow on the table so he could hold his forehead up. He watched me from under his bangs, still frazzled. I gave him a cruel crooked smile and addressed Drake again. "We had a witness come forward, Ryo's got me on call."

"That's great! We've been pretty stuck lately ourselves, right JJ?" Drake elbowed him in a gentle manner, JJ nodded.

"Really stuck." He answered quietly.

"Maybe you or Ryo could take a look at our case tomorrow? We could probably use a pair of fresh eyes." Drake lifted his eyebrows at me.

Sure." I answered cordially, mischievous ideas bubbling into my consciousness. Ideas that would further the perverse pleasure I was deriving from watching JJ's discomfort.

"That would be so great, Dee, thank you so much." Drake grinned and I took another long pull from my beer, waving Drake's thank you off.

"No problem, Drake." I exhaled, "We'd be happy to help. I've got to take a piss." I left my beer with them and hurried to the bathroom where I bypassed the men using the urinals to lock myself in the only stall. I checked my phone for messages from Ryo. Nothing. I turned the volume down to vibrate and paused to pee. Once I finished I stroked myself a few times, it was easy to get hard with JJ's chagrin so fresh in my memory. I imagined him growing hard next to oblivious Drake, struggling to hide his predicament. I snapped a few pictures of my hard flesh, a few of me stroking myself from different angles. I pushed my cock back into my jeans, leaving the top two buttons undone, and pulled my shirt up to tuck under my chin angled the front-facing camera so my face and the door behind me weren't in the shot. I chose the best one of my torso with the most flattering light and sent it to JJ.

This was sure to make him squirm. I pulled my shirt back down and tucked my phone back in my pocket before flushing and washing my hands before heading back out to them.

Drake was leaning back in the booth, his arm extended behind JJ on the back of the seat they shared, eyes on one of the TVs that was playing sports. JJ was twisted to lean against the wall in order to obscure the screen, and Drake didn't appear to be paying any attention to him. Good, because JJ was not controlling himself very well. He was rocking in his seat just a little bit, a look of disbelief on his face. When he saw me returning he lowered his phone, trying to look unaffected.

"You okay?" I asked as I sat back down and took up my bottle again.

"Fine." JJ jumped to say.

"What, you get something from Reggie?" I asked, leaning forward on my elbow and effectively bringing Drake back into the conversation. His arm came down from behind JJ to set a hand on his wiggling thigh. The back of my neck flooded with possessive prickles at the sight. It should be my hand gripping his leg. For me he would shiver, blush, unconsciously lean into me.

"You sure you're okay?" Drake asked quietly. "If you want me to go with you to see him tonight, I can." he offered. JJ glanced up at me, face beet red, eyes glassy, still reeling from the picture I had sent.

"No, no, it just, I wasn't expecting-" his sentence died off and he shut off his screen. "It was an inappropriate picture."

"Ooh, a nude?" I pried, just to watch him shake with nerves in front of Drake. "Do you usually get this worked up over nudes from your boyfriend?" I asked, giving him a sneaky smirk.

"He..." JJ hesitated and looked between Drake and I. "He's very attractive."

"I thought so." I said quietly. Drake seemed perplexed, but didn't want to bring up that it was JJ's attractive new boyfriend who had hurt him. That he had painted the nearly floral patterns over his eye and cheek, and pushed his blood and tears across his pale skin. I relived the feeling of his struggling body beneath me so vividly that it took me a moment to realize I had stopped breathing.

"I'm sorry, I just got a little flustered." JJ excused, putting his phone away and wiping his hands on his pants, chasing Drake's hand off of himself. Drake responded by rubbing JJ's back comfortingly, which almost pissed me off more.

"Just be careful with him, you know how he can get." Drake murmured, trying to speak as quietly as he could, but I could still hear. I dove deeper into my beer, irritated by his obvious attempt to warn JJ away from me.

"Seems like you two need to chill out a little." I grinned, "How about a round of shots on me?" Drake pointedly turned to JJ and squeezed his shoulder.

"Are you going to be okay alone with him after a few drinks?" He asked softly, and I stood to order the shots so I wouldn't snap at him for trying to block me at every turn.

"How about I just bring them over, and you drink what you're comfortable with." I said sternly, and left before they had a chance to protest. I ordered three rounds of shots, and once they reached the table JJ was quick to drink his share while Drake watched nervously and paced himself. Once they were gone and JJ had finished his beer, he was ready to dance. Drake and I moved to the bar near Ted and James, who were having an animated conversation while watching the game. I ordered three more beers and Drake put a hand on my arm.

"Hey, Dee, I didn't want him getting too wasted tonight." He leaned in to say, "He's seeing his boyfriend later and he needs to be cognizant."

"Why, what's going on with them?" I asked flatly, just to get the big spill out of the way.

"He doesn't want everyone to know, but he wasn't in a bar fight last night." I leaned an elbow on the bar and gulped more beer to steel my own nerves against what I knew he was going to say. "Reggie did that to him."

"Reggie?" I repeated, "No, not Reggie, he wouldn't have." I shook my head, and I had him convinced of my disbelief. "How are you so sure?" I asked when his firm look of discontent didn't change.

"JJ called me to his apartment, you should have seen it." He shook his own head and we both looked over at the dance floor where JJ was letting the music move him, and took long pulls of our drinks. "I wanted him to file a report but he refused. He said the guy has a family, that it would ruin him. But look at his face." I did, and a pulse of arousal hit me, followed by a wave of disgust with myself. "No one deserves that kind of treatment, especially not JJ. And no one who does that to a person deserves to walk free. To do do that to more people. Who knows, maybe to his wife as well, their children?

I stifled my laugh with a cough and quick gulp of beer at Drake's assumption that 'Reggie' was trying to maintain a heterosexual facade in his imaginary everyday life. But that's a straight man for you. I quickly finished the beer and frowned at Drake.

"I know being someone's partner is a very intimate part of our job," I started, taking JJ's beer in my hand. "But don't you think you're getting a little too close? I mean, meddling in JJ's private affairs?"

"But the guy is obviously dangerous-"

"I know, I understand that, and it is definitely concerning." I continued. "But JJ is an adult. He's perfectly capable of making his own choices and mistakes." Drake was taken aback and I let him be silent for a moment while I continued to try to drown out his words with more drink.

"You've known him the longest out of all of us, I didn't expect you to be so callous." He finally said, thumbing up the edge of the label on his bottle.

"I'm not being callous, I'm being a realist." I started working on the drink I had intended to give to JJ. I ordered another in its place before turning back to Drake. "How many people who enter an abusive relationship leave at the first sign of trouble? How many listen to their well-meaning friends and family who try to help them leave? Not many." I took up the fresh beer for JJ and took another long drink from the first one I meant to give him. The room was starting to blur and dancing started to sound good. "And then how many cut off the well-meaning friends when they try to bud in?" I asked sharply.

"Shouldn't you be taking it easy yourself? Aren't you on-call?" He responded cuttingly, clearly ruffled that I had pointed out that the current path he was on with JJ was a short one.

"Drake, think about it." I swayed toward him a little, tired of talking to him with his judgemental attitude, and ready to feel JJ up against me again. "Worry about yourself, man." I left him for the dance floor, and met JJ there to hand him the colder bottle, which he thanked me for with a smile. He danced with me for a short while, cautiously. We had eyes on us now, Drake watched us from the bar. I watched him back without directly looking at him until he left his unfinished drink and went to the restroom. JJ pulled me out of the crowd so he could drink more comfortably. On our way back to the bar I checked the time on my phone. There was maybe an hour and a half before Ryo would consider heading here. I quickly sent JJ a more raunchy picture with the caption 'Reggie needs to see you soon.'

JJ must not have felt the vibration of the message while he was walking. He found the more secluded corner of the bar itself and perched on a stool so he could lean back against the wall and look out over the floor.

"Check your phone." I told him, and he quickly did. I couldn't tell if he blushed that deeply, or if it was the alcohol, but he hurried to put his phone back in his pocket. I leaned into him in such a way that my body blocked any prying eyes from seeing my hand creep up between his legs and put my lips to his ear. "Give me your key, I'll wait inside in case Drake insists on walking you home. Tell him I got too drunk and went out for a walk." He shakily pulled out his key ring and slipped me his apartment key while I slowly, but firmly, slid my hand over his clothed yet already pulsing beast.

I left him, overwhelmed and teetering on his stool, paid my tab, and was out in the warm air on my way to his apartment. I lit a cigarette and checked my phone for messages from Ryo. Again, nothing. He must be busy with Rose. Hopefully with work, but I couldn't help seeing flashes of Rose kissing him, Ryo letting him touch him, Ryo touching him back, the flush of his post-coital expression.

I dialed the front desk of the precinct. Ryo would answer if I called our extension, and there would be no telling where he was, since it forwards straight to his damn cell phone. Whoever was manning the front answered with a chirp in their voice that I did not have the patience for.

"Is Ryo- er, Randy McClean in the office? This is Dee Laytner, his partner." I nearly snapped. They left me on hold to check, then _No_ , they said, _he is not in the office, they could page him if I wanted_ \- "What about Chief Rose?" I asked gruffly, and _Oh, he hasn't been in the office for at least two hours now, he left just after the press conference. Did you want me to try paging Detective McClean_ \- I hung up without thanking them.

Ryo and Rose were gone. They were both off together, and had been for hours. Probably fucking, like I had imagined before.

I scarped the cherry off on the sole of my shoe and let myself into JJ's apartment and paced the living room. I sent JJ another filthy picture saying 'Let me know when you're almost here' and ended it with a wink. The alcohol was clouding my thoughts, but had sharpened a few of them. The pain of imagining Ryo betraying me with Rose as I stood here, preparing to do the same with JJ was making my skin crawl.

Knowing Ryo, anything he would be doing would be all tenderness, thoughtfulness, emotional bonding. It would probably be painfully vanilla as well. So I would get him back for it, by being sweet to JJ tonight. I would give JJ the attentiveness I reserved for Ryo. But with JJ I could still be just a little rough, I would siphon from him what Ryo couldn't give me.

Absolute control.

To pass the time, I checked in JJ's fridge. Nothing particularly interesting. When I noticed that the plate I had broken last night had not been cleaned up, I took it upon myself to do so. I located his broom and dust pan, and decided to sweep the whole kitchen. Once done, I ventured into the bedroom and looked over the mess I had left.

Dark stains from JJ's dried blood speckled the sheets, which were tangled and twisted across the mattress. I gathered them up, put them in the laundry basket and spent a few minutes finding where he kept the clean ones. While I was tucking the elastic corners of the fresh sheets under the edges of the mattress, a message came in from JJ saying he was on his way with Drake. I finished making the bed and put the extension cord back where I had gotten it. There was no need for it tonight, I would remain playful while building his trust enough to keep him from spilling more about our relationship to Drake.

But for now, where to wait? The kitchen was too close to the front door, Drake might come in a few steps in attempt to see JJ's boyfriend. The bedroom was almost a safe bet, but the bathroom was in there, and if Drake was aggressive enough about wanting to meet him, he would make an excuse to use the bathroom to get into the apartment. But he couldn't if I was already in there. I snapped on the light and turned on the shower. I carefully avoided the stream in order to open the small window above the tub. Now they would be able to hear the shower from the landing in front of the apartment. JJ would know where I was, and it would keep Drake from insisting on using the toilet. I hovered in the bedroom doorway, letting ideas and plans for the night come to me.

It wasn't long before I heard their footsteps outside the front door. Their voices were almost too muffled by the door and the shower running, so I closed the bathroom door and strained to hear them from the bedroom doorway.

"You're sure you're okay? You're not too drunk to handle him?" Drake was asking. "He's in the shower, he'll never know you came home-"

"The window's open, he can probably hear you." JJ reprimanded, "Besides, I live here, this is my home. It's not like he wont know where to find me at any given time-" I clenched my teeth and stepped back to push against the wall so I couldn't be seen from the entryway as he opened the door.

"Just please, be careful. If anything happens, anything at all, please call me." Drake implored, then his voice changed and became gentle, full of sweet notes of compassion. "You know I'll be here for you no matter what, right?"

"I know, Drakey." The soft sound of cloth rustling gave away that someone was fiddling with their clothes uncomfortably.

"Text me when you're going to bed, so I know you're okay." It was quiet while JJ thought it over.

"I'll do my best to."

"That's all I ask." Drake murmured, then there was a heavy rustling as they hugged, some grunts as Drake patted JJ's shoulder, JJ was not the patting type. I paused and listened harder, wondering if Drake had left yet. It took me a moment to realize that the hug hadn't even ended. That was a long hug for straight Drake, even drunk. Did Drake have a little crush? It took everything I had in me not to laugh imagining Drake struggling to come to terms with having a crush on JJ. A few moments later, they parted, and JJ closed the door after their quiet goodbyes. I left my hiding spot and JJ gave me a sheepish look.

"Does someone have a little crush?" I asked jokingly.

"What?" JJ asked, moving into his kitchen for a glass of water.

"Drake." I followed him in, watched his fingers fumble with the taps, he was woozy from all the alcohol I had fed him, and whatever he may have had after I left. He would be more vulnerable than I had anticipated.

"Drake? What do you mean?" He was confused, and he leaned his hip against the sink to puzzle at me. I didn't expect him to be as oblivious as Ryo was about me.

"Does Drake have a boy-crush on you?" I clarified, still light-hearted, keeping it comfortable.

"No," JJ brushed it off, but paused, then shook his head. "Drake is straight, I don't think so."

"Sure, alright." I rolled my eyes and moved toward him. He swayed slightly, intoxicated enough not to tense up at my approach, and set his glass down. He did eye me somewhat warily as I drew close. "I cleaned up that dish I broke." I said quietly, "I changed the sheets." I was close enough now to brush a few strands of hair away from the bruising on his face so I could see it better. I could feel the healing heat coming off his skin, his eyes blearily followed mine as I watched my own hand trace down his neck. I loosed a few of his shirt buttons, like I knew he would let me. His bruised neck appeared and teased me with its tender splotches from my own hands. "I'm so sorry about how rough I got last night. I've had a lot of build-up inside of me-" JJ caught my hands.

"Dee, you really scared me. Even earlier today, on the roof." His words trembled, his lips twitched with fear, and my attraction to him skyrocketed.

"I know I did, I know." I cooed, "And I'm going to make it up to you. Just like you told Drake I would."

"Make it up to me?" He nearly whispered while I continued to unbutton.

"Let me do this for you," I breathed into his ear while I let his shirt fall away. I circled him slowly, pressing close enough to let him feel my breath across his shoulders, looking over his uneasy movements. I kissed his slim neck, his shoulders. I felt his narrow frame, letting my hands linger in the more tender areas. He began to relax, head lolling to the side, his breath came deeply, making his body feel like it was pulsing. I pushed him back against his fridge carefully, really working to keep from coming off as mean.

"It's cold," He said softly, and in answer to his short shiver, I pushed more of his bare flesh to it.

"Stay just like that." He wiggled just slightly as goosebumps scattered themselves up his arms. I knelt in front of him, slid his pants off of him and took him in my mouth. He trembled from the frigid appliance behind him and my admitted prowess. His musk was mild and inoffensive, even after such a hot day and a night of dancing. I took my shirt off while I teased him, keeping my eyes up so I could watch him shake and grip the sides of the refrigerator door, mouth pouted open when he wasn't biting his lip. I stood to kiss those pleading lips and let him help me peel my jeans off. We both kicked off our shoes and socks before I got back down on my knees, our clothing piled under them for comfort. I pushed myself up against his legs, ran my hands across his body. I pressed my own stiff member into the cool, textured surface of the humming machine behind him, moaning for him as I pushed upwards enough to earn the unforgiving wedge between his calves. I had him where I wanted him, pliable in my hands, like putty.

I slid up his body again, melded my mouth to his, letting him moan into mine. He was all gentle heat and nervous caresses, hope glazed his eyes when we parted. I grabbed my cigarettes, my lighter, and he let me pull him to the bedroom. I pushed him onto all fours on the bed and got on my knees behind him, cigarettes nearby enough to reach when I wanted.

He melted under my touch as I ran my hands up his back, tracing any muscle and divot I came across. I leaned forward enough to push his shoulders down into the bed, the way I liked him. He let me pull his hips closer to me and I took my time preparing him before fingering him as deeply as I could, eliciting groans and stretches of appreciation and pleasure. With my free hand I grabbed my pack and pulled a cigarette out of it with my teeth. The moment JJ heard my lighter flick, he turned enough to watch me take the first drag.

"This is a non-smoking building-" His words were distracted and quiet.

"I could smell your neighbors smoking pot from two doors down." I replied coolly, and blew my smoke down at his face. "We'll air it out afterwards." His eyes fluttered a little in agreement and he leaned back into my hand, making me fill him further. Careful not to burn him, I steadied his hips and smirked. "What a hungry slut you are tonight."

"Just hungry for you, Dee." he panted before letting out a long breath. "I don't have an ashtray-" He moaned as I hit his prostate, and I watched his lungs expand from his gasp.

"That's alright, I'll just use you." JJ stretched again anxiously, and I put a soothing hand on his lower back, cigarette-holding fingers lifted slightly. "It wont be like it was this morning, unless you want it, or misbehave." I pushed my digits into him again to emphasize my point, causing another few lung expansions. "Watch." I took a long drag off my cigarette, until it was smoked down enough to ash. My heart pounded as I held it out above his back, and tapped it until the ashy ends fell onto him. He twitched once as it hit, his stomach contracted, then he seemed to relax. "Not too bad, right?" I asked gently, probing deeper into him again.

"Not too bad-" He breathed.

"You want me to fuck you?" I demanded, adding another finger.

"Fuck yes, please, Dee."

I obliged, holding his shoulders down with one hand, smoking and ashing on his heaving, shuddering skin with the other. As I reached the filter I was struck by JJ's light, perfect back, sprinkled with soot that clung to him and turned dark in his sweat. I blew my smoke down over his body and watched it curl around his ribs and shoulders until it was disturbed by our movements. My orgasm was building as I smoked the cigarette down, I could felt it in my toes. I tried raking my nails down it to try to ease my lust for destruction but it didn't work.

"Touch yourself." I commanded, "I'm getting close-" I gripped his hair and pushed deeper, slower, while he did as I said. He was so obedient. "You feel so good, JJ." I pulled him closer to me. "I'm going to put the cigarette out on you," I told him, "It's not going to hurt as bad as before, I promise." JJ squirmed wordlessly before grunting his acquiescence. "Don't be scared." I said softly, "Focus on making yourself cum, I want to feel you-" His moans elongated and I could already feel him tightening as he began his ascension. He forced himself back on me hard and I quickly took the last hit to let my saliva pool in my mouth. I leaned over him and let my spit land between the muscles that formed the smooth canyon along the length of his spine. I took note of where it pooled the deepest and decided to aim for a slightly shallower spot. Just as JJ was coming I slowly pressed the cherry into the liquid, watching it bubble and smoke.

A pained whine slipped into his moans and the pulsing grip of his orgasm alongside the flexing of his flesh under me- his fist full of sheets, his mouth filled with a voluptuous version of my name- forced my own orgasm up my body, made it rattle through my sinews. I infused him with my own cum as deeply as I could, and held myself up over him as the last beats drummed out. The snubbed cigarette was lost in the sheets, but it didn't matter. I slid a hand over the ash and sweat covering JJ, leaving erotic smears of black and grey across him. I admired him for a moment, he was so perfect, like a mural I had brought to life.

He twisted onto his side, allowing my still half-hard cock slip out of him, leaving a thread of my cum to stretch across his thigh as he moved.

"Oh my God." He breathed, reaching up to stroke my face. "Dee-"

My phone beeped from the other room, and I glanced at JJ's bedside clock. Ryo, right on schedule. Unless he had already been trying to get a hold of me.

"I have to get that." I said as I sat back on my heels. JJ brushed back his hair and nodded through his exhaustion while I stood.

"Bring mine too?" He asked softly. I frowned and glared at him, but when I grabbed mine and pulled my pants back on in the kitchen I fished for his as well and tossed it to him before sitting on the edge of his bed.

Two messages from Ryo, but both were only from a couple minutes ago. _Leaving work in a few minutes_ , the first one said. Such absolute bullshit. _Are you still at the bar?_ I glanced over at JJ, sprawled naked on the bed, eyes half-lidded from aftergow, his cum drying on his belly and bed, mine deep inside his slim body. That was when it hit me. I hadn't just used JJ as an excuse to get out my anger. I used him because he had turned me on, and I had some minor form of control over him. While it was guided by that control, I had barely done anything to maintain that control, or even implement it. I had been more kind to him than I had planned. He gazed up at me from over his phone when he paused in his typing.

"Ryo?" He asked sweetly, and I nodded slowly.

"Drake?" I asked back. JJ smiled and _Mm-hm'd_ at me.

"He wanted me to check in, after-" He tilted his head and I allowed myself to take in all of the marks I had left on him. Mine. He was all mine. I was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss his cautiously curling lips.

"I understand." I murmured, nearly giving in to that unwelcome instinct.

"I'm letting him know everything's fine." He said quickly.

I didn't respond, I just set a hand on his hip and felt like the world had gone blurry. Like I had suddenly put on a pair of glasses with a much stronger prescription than I needed. I didn't just need JJ for his compliance and inherent attraction to me. But I also wanted him like this. Calm, sated, with my marks across him, the ashes caked onto his clean sheets, this quiet sense of understanding. I still wanted to do the things Ryo would never allow- I wanted to push my fingers into him, allow my cum to drip from his body, hold him down, stifle him with pillows until he was coughing and gasping under me. But maybe this was okay for tonight. Maybe this was enough. I was fully erect once more, but I didn't have time for a second round with him before I had to meet Ryo.

"I have to head back to the bar." I said evenly.

"Oh," JJ was jolted out of his personal fantasy, and his eyes seemed to sparkle less. "Okay."

"I'll come over again soon." I gave in and leaned over to kiss his slow, hesitant lips.

"Alright." He didn't seem to fully believe me, but I really didn't have the time to convince him I was being honest, so I went back into the kitchen and pulled my shirt on. While I buttoned up I listened to JJ continuing to text with Drake from the other room. He was writing a lot. Probably more than he should. When I went back into the room to grab my cigarettes JJ smiled up at me again.

"Don't tell him too much." I warned, going into the bathroom to snap off the shower, wash my hands, and wipe myself clean of JJ. "He's a good detective, I can't have him sniffing around."

"I know, I'm being discreet." He continued tapping his thumbs across his screen and it was rubbing me the wrong way, so I typed out to Ryo that I was still at the bar, and to come on over. What if he had already left for the bar? Where would he be coming from? I had to get over there before he did.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow." I said down to JJ and used a knuckle to lift his chin so I could run my thumb over the scabbing I had caused under his lip. He smiled widely, eyes glittering with admiration, and I couldn't stand how sweet he looked, so I spit in his face. He drew back, surprised and upset, wiped his face clean. "Later." I smirked and headed out of the room and toward the front door.

"You couldn't leave it nice?" He called after me.

Not a chance.

I shut the door behind me and took the stairs two by two. If nothing else, I needed to be outside the bar, or at least on the same block by the time Ryo got there. A street away from JJ's I lit another cigarette and kept my pace brisk. One street over from the bar Ryo texted that he was almost there, and I double-timed up to the front of the bar to lean on the wall. Just as I did so, Rose's car pulled around the corner.

The _audacity_.

He pulled over on the other side of the street and Ryo climbed out of the passenger seat. I watched silently, unsure if they had seen me. Ryo came around to Rose's side and leaned into his window.

"You're sure you don't want to come in for a drink with us?" Ryo was asking.

"I don't think that's appropriate." Rose responded, and they exchanged a few words that were too quiet for me to hear. Rose squeezed Ryo's hand, grinned, and drove off. Ryo watched him go in a dreamy way that unsettled me. The evidence was piling up against them. He finally turned to cross to the bar and it took a moment for him to notice me.

"Oh, hi Dee!" He started, then shuffled a little, obviously torn by the guilt of allowing me to see their exchange. It was almost like he was trying to get me to engage. I wouldn't give him the pleasure.

"Hey." When I didn't even hint that I might have heard or seen them together he seemed to relax a little.

"How is it in there, busy?" He asked, leaning next to me.

"Eh." I wiggled my hand and put my cigarette in my mouth to sling an arm around his shoulders. It felt forced. My own body was stiff and distant despite our closeness, his didn't seem to respond either.

"Have you been having fun at least?" He pressed, leaning into me. I couldn't keep from letting a smile slip.

"Yeah, I've been having a good time."

"Good." He laid his head on my shoulder and it went quiet. We listened to the traffic on the nearby bridge. I watched the bright end of my cigarette glow against the dark sidewalk, the tiny sparks fly each time I tapped it. My loins tightened, reminded of JJ's small shudders from each ember hitting his flesh, and I dropped it to stomp it out. I pulled myself away from Ryo, suddenly unsure of whether or not he, like me, was covered in the sweat of another man.

"Lets go in." I suggested. He led the way, and I noticed a slight dip that caused a nearly imperceptible drag or stiffness in his step. Upon seeing that, I was so overcome that I stopped in my tracks unable to physically handle the pain in my chest. It simultaneously affirmed my suspicions and gave me a sharp sense of justification for my own actions. Ryo turned when he reached the bar and smiled at me. He became concerned as he watched me snap out of my shock and follow his path.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine. Just a little drunk." I excused, "Do you mind taking over the tab? I closed mine before I went outside."

"Oh, sure." I leaned on the bar and glanced round to see Ted and James were still there. It was still active without being packed, the regulars doing their regular activities. Ryo handed me a beer I had no interest in drinking. Ted saw us, saw Ryo, and waved him down. I followed dutifully, and we met between the tables and the dance floor.

"Did you just get here?" Ted was asking him.

"Yeah, I stayed a little late tonight." Ryo was quick to say. Except he hadn't. I squirmed uncomfortably, wanting more than anything to call him out about it, but also not wanting the public spectacle.

"Come sit with us, the game is in the last quarter!" Ted invited, and Ryo agreed despite his neutrality surrounding sports.

Again tonight, I was in booth with people I didn't want to be around. I just hoped Ted and James wouldn't mention anything about me disappearing for over an hour. I sat uncomfortably next to Ryo, afraid to even brush against him, I was so perturbed by his betrayal.

All I could think of was fucking him so hard he cried, holding him down by his neck until he told me Rose could never fuck him as good. My teeth were on edge and the conversation around me was drowned out by what I was itching to do. My bubbling gut had almost convinced me to leave and meet up with JJ again, when James engaged me.

"How has your night been?" He asked, apparently bored by what the other two were talking about. I flashed on JJ pushing back on me, the smears of ash on his skin.

"Good." I answered, unwilling to elaborate and consciously trying not to blush from the further tightening in my crotch.

"I like this bar, my last precinct didn't have one so close. You wouldn't believe the stiffs over there."

"Which precinct were you at before?" I asked in a rote tone, resigning to be stuck forcing half-hearted conversation with co-workers instead for figuring out how to catch Ryo in his lies, or slinking off to take my new frustrations out on JJ. I was sure Rose had told us which precinct James had come from, but I had not been paying attention. I forced myself to tune back in to James, missing which precinct it had been. He was just chattering mindlessly about how boring everyone had been over there.

"Where did you go earlier?" James suddenly asked, sensing my disinterest. I glanced toward Ryo, unsure if he had heard or not.

"I went out for a smoke." I dodged, downing some of my beer.

"For an hour?"

"It was nice out, I went for a walk." His questions were putting me further on edge, Ryo and Ted didn't seem to notice our chat at all, but I still couldn't tell if Ryo was listening. I was sweating now, completely sure that I was about to give myself away. Why did all of our friends have to be in law enforcement? Couldn't we make friends who weren't experts at spotting deception? It would make my practically justified exploitation of JJ so much easier to maintain.

"Still warm out there?" he asked, eyes following my hand as I wiped away my sweat.

"Very." I tightened my lips, not liking this prodding. He seemed painfully circumspect, and I was done playing cat and mouse with him. He took note of my demeanor and quickly cracked a wide grin.

"I was going to say, you're awfully sweaty for just going out for air-"

"I've also been drinking for hours." I grunted. James pulled out his pack.

"Want to go out for another smoke?" he asked. Maybe it would give me a chance to solidify my lie about a walk, so I agreed. Ted declined to join us, since he was trying to quit, and Ryo had never been a smoker, so it was just the two of us. Out front there were only a few small groups of off-duty officers chatting under streetlights, puffing away. James lit my cigarette for me and we stood close to each other for a moment.

"So how long have you and Randy been together?" he cocked his head at me as he asked and I could hear barely hidden mordant notes in his voice.

"Few years." I said around my smoke, remaining short and far from open.

"Is that as a partner, or as a partner-partner?"

"Look-" I barked, "I know you're new, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, but, just so you know: Yes, me and Ryo are together romantically. Yes, everyone in the precinct knows, yes it's been allowed by our chief, and yes, you will be in the minority if you take offense about it at the 27th. Does that about answer everything?"

"Nearly." His mouth twisted into a smug shape. "Ted told me just about all of that, I was just asking about specifics." Now I felt like the asshole, jumping don his throat when he was just curious.

"Not that it's any of your business," I started, still feeling the need to keep some emotional distance from him, "but the first couple years were pretty complicated. I spent a lot of time pursuing him." I leaned near a planter and James shifted his weight around.

"So, you really go after what you want, huh? Are you one of those 'always-gets-his-man' types?" James ashed into the planter and I shrugged. "You don't need to be so defensive with me. I'm just trying to see how everything fits with the guys here. Y'know, see where I fit in." I took in his words, felt out where my defensiveness was coming from, and took him at his word. There was no way he could know about me and JJ, and that was the assumption I had made that was making my walls come up.

"I'm sorry if I've been short or standoffish toward you." I murmured once I had leveled my breathing and my blood pressure began to drop. "I've been under a lot of stress with our case. Along with some personal stuff-"

"You can talk to me, if you want." James offered, and for a moment I was almost touched but I clammed up again when I considered he might have been using these things to get my guard down, and maybe he did know something about me and JJ.

"It's very personal." I responded as coldly as I could. "How about you?" I asked, eager to get the questions angled away from me. "Are you attached?"

"Between, right now." James shrugged and drifted further from the small crowd. I followed a few steps to keep our conversation low out of consideration for the apartments around us. "But I don't really date, I like to keep my options open." He leaned on the wall just inside the alleyway. "I also have kind of high standards, I usually look for something very specific. It's not easy to find."

"Okay." I was turned off by his disingenuously avoidant air. I knew he wanted me to pry, but I was not into pursuing this line of questioning much further. It was quiet while he acknowledged that my interest had run out, so he let the silence stretch somewhat uncomfortably. I didn't know him well enough to know if we had anything in common to talk about. It stretched from uncomfortable to comfortable again, and James cleared his throat before breaking the silence.

"So, how long have you and JJ been fucking?" My first urge was to throw my cigarette, go in to grab Ryo and leave, I was so insensed. Instead I took a long, calculating drag from my cigarette, fighting to keep the enraged tremble out of my fingers.

"What makes you think we're fucking?" I asked, keeping my tone balanced and resisting the urge to blow my smoke in his face.

"Lets just say I'm very observant." he answered, leaning further into the alley. I could hear a grin in his voice but didn't want to let on by even looking at him.

"Well, you're wrong." I told him as firmly as I could muster. "Anyway, if you were right, which you're not, what would you do about it? Tell Ryo? That's a great way to alienate your co-workers."

"Or alienate you." he answered pointedly.

"All you would have on me would be circumstantial evidence, anyway. _If_ that." I shifted, feeling more and more uncomfortable, but unable to disengage without making myself look guilty. Indignation was starting to tighten my chest. This stranger had no right to question my morals, my relationships, my autonomous decisions, much less threaten me with exposure.

"So did you do that to him too?" He asked, running a knuckle down the side of his own obscured face, and something in me snapped.

"Look man, I don't appreciate what you're implying about me. You need to think about what you're trying to say very carefully if we're going to continue having an amicable relationship." I could feel my body straightening automatically, so my own thinly veiled threat would not ring hollow, I even stepped a little closer to James before I realized I had put myself at a disadvantage. His eyes had already adjusted to the darkness of the alleyway I had just entered.

"What, is your punching bag not here, so you have to pick on someone your own size?" James chuckled, and grabbed the bicep of my shirt, pulling me into the dark.

"You don't know what you're talking about-" I hissed, bringing that arm across his chest defensively, grabbing his collar. We clinched roughly for a few moments almost wordlessly, just the scuffling of our shoes in the gravel echoing around us. He got me up against the wall, his thighs pushing against mine. "What the hell, man?" I grunted, managing to push him off of me, he he swung at me, and I ducked enough that he just knocked my shoulder a little. I caught his wrist and managed to spin around behind him, and had nearly grappled him enough to take him to the ground when he pulled free and kicked one of my legs out from me. I hit my knees hard and barely blocked the next fist that flew. As he pulled back to swing again I wrapped my arms around his knees and buckled them, guiding him to fall sideways with me. In a flash he twisted around and pinned me down on my chest, straddling my thighs, forcing the erection I didn't realize I had again into the ground painfully. He held my wrists as if he were about to cuff me.

"You need to brush up on your take-down, detective." James laughed darkly, squeezing my hips with his knees. He was distracted by his own shitty banter enough to allow me to break my arms free and twist to shove him back while I grabbed my nearby still-lit cigarette, hit it quick to heat the cherry, and flicked it at him. He flinched and I tried to scramble out from under him. He had me by hair for just a second before I threw his hand off me and pushed myself back against the wall again.

"What the fuck is your problem, James?" I snapped. "What right do you have to touch me? I could have you for assault of an officer-"

"But you wont, because then people will start poking around in your business, and I will have no qualms about bringing up what I've seen of your and JJ's relationship. Then you'd get slapped with the same thing, wouldn't you?" I didn't have any way to respond, so I gawked uselessly in disbelief. "You can really hold your own in a fight." He said shortly, extending an olive branch in the form of a flat hand to help me up. I hesitated, eyeing his form, still partially above me.

"What is this, some kind of fight club bullshit?" I said quietly, seething that he had basically bested me, considering I had been cornered at the last second, and confused about what exactly our tussle had even meant.

"Not at all." I took his hand and we pulled ourselves up to stand again. "I just like my men with some fight in them, I like them real fiery. It's not like you weren't into it." He ran a hand down my stomach, gripped my groin aggressively, and pushed me against the wall once more, forcing his mouth on mine. His stubble was coarse against mine, his body was large and solid, his musk engulfed me, he was more man than I had encountered in a long time. For an instant his hand, still working itself against my crotch, wasn't as repulsive as it had been a moment earlier. When I came to my senses, I pushed him off me again and he grinned at me, slapped my shoulder in a crude display of camaraderie. "I'm wont say anything, Dee. About JJ, or any this. Not as long as you don't. Shots?"

I followed him back inside. I was rattled, disheveled, covered in dirt, and massively confused. James bought a round of shots for our table, much like I had done a few hours ago, and we both returned to our partners' sides.

Ryo didn't pick up on my state, physical or mental. He was too engrossed in whatever he and Ted had been talking about. He absently set a hand on my knee without even looking over. James broke into their conversation effortlessly, as if nothing had happened.

My blood boiled when he glanced at me and laughed at some joke the table had shared in. I couldn't sit there like that with this strange man who was blackmailing me with some loose circumstance he may or may not have witnessed. I wanted to take him outside again, really show him who was boss. Who was he, using some snippet of conversation, or a word, or glance to hold me hostage with? I left the booth more abruptly than I intended and went to the bathroom to clean myself up. There was an oil stain on my shirt along with dirt and who knew what else. My face and a few red splotches from James kissing me so harshly. I splashed water on my face and rearrange my shirt to try to make the stain seem natural, went back out, and stalked up to the bar. I fiddled with coaster and waited for the bartender to notice me. Once he did I ordered, and James was next to me again.

"I hope there aren't any hard feelings." James murmured. "I can just see how pent up you are. I could see your pain."

"Whatever." I sneered. "You were just looking for something to hold over me, to keep me quiet about you coming onto me." The bartender set my drink down and waited for me to pay him. "Put it on James' tab." I told him, James nodded to him.

"I'll have a the same, and how about a few more shots?" I agreed, because he was paying, and who was I to say no to free drinks? Especially if they came from someone who could easily turn around and destroy the life I had worked so hard to build for myself. It was becoming hard to imagine James didn't have some kind of information that I couldn't refute. Something he could tell Ryo that he would believe, and then Ryo would be done with cruel, disgusting me. James didn't try anything else that night, he just fed me alcohol until Ryo was ready to go home.


	3. Chapter 9: Solicitude

**Chapter 9: Solicitude  
**

Drake's POV

JJ gushed about Reggie via text for longer than I could deal with, so my responses became short and guarded. I wanted to be supportive of him, not necessarily of the relationship, but of him. I wanted him to feel like he could talk to me without judgement. It became more and more difficult for me to give off that vibe as he told me more about how his evening with Reggie went. Apparently, Reggie had been very nice compared to the night before. But the details about his proclivities still disturbed me. I understand having kinks and having different kinds of relationship structures, but there was too much ambiguity around Reggie's ability to control himself. It was not as easy for me to forgive him as it was for JJ. He didn't deserve the forgiveness he got as far as I was concerned, but there wasn't much I could do. At least not without sitting him down and having a talk with him. If I did that, I could at least show him I was keeping an eye on him, it would let him know to proceed with caution.

I rubbed a thumb over one of my scars and thought about the security I would feel, being able to look Reggie in the eye and gain some form of respect from him. That was something I could never have gotten from my father, at least, before- I shook myself away from those thoughts as another message came through from JJ. A part of me wanted to invite him over and let him fall asleep next to me again.

So I knew he was safe, of course.

Reggie had gone home to his family, so there was nothing keeping JJ tied to his apartment tonight, no reason he shouldn't come over. I re-read the message three times before I processed that it was more praise about Reggie. I sent another short response and set my phone down, closing my eyes. I tucked my fingertips under the waistband of my pajama pants and thought about JJ laying across my pillow, how soft his lips had felt when I had dared to lean over him. In my fantasy the kiss woke him fully, and he wasn't displeased. He held my face in his hands, he kissed me back, I pressed myself against his thigh- I opened my eyes, surprised by the physiological reaction I had at the thought. My hand slid further into my pants and I took a firm, if unsure, grip on my stiffening member.

Of all the times I had thought of JJ affectionately, or maybe somewhat romantically, I had never gotten this hard before. I stared at the ceiling and slowly came to the understanding within myself that no one would ever have to know about this. I shut my eyes again, bringing up where I had left off in the fantasy.

JJ slid a leg up mine to rest with his knee up by my hip. I could practically feel the fabric bunching under my hand as I slid it up that raised thigh. In reality, I moved my empty hand over my own leg, simulating both his knee moving up and the feel of him under my hand. He was just a little slimmer than me, and I could practically feel his firm muscles. I stroked myself slowly, imagining he might take initiative and touch me. His soft voice was in my ear, inquisitive and playful, his breath on my neck. The hand on my thigh moved up my body, I let it drift across my stomach, up over my chest, my neck, tenderly, as if JJ felt something for me. Imagining his lips wasn't good enough anymore so I rubbed my lips, letting my fingers slip between them so I could pretend, I don't know, maybe he was kissing me, maybe it was his fingers or-

The hand on my cock froze when I noticed I hadn't gone limp imagining that part of him in my mouth. If anything, it turned me on more, which confused me. I had never thought about fooling around with men before, especially not this specifically, it had never interested me. But when I pictured it with JJ it filled me with a welcome feeling of calm acceptance, it felt so comfortable, so natural. I pushed my fingers deeper into my mouth, sucking and lapping around and between them, tugging on myself.

JJ rolled onto his stomach and I flipped over to pull a pillow under me as if it were him and kicked my pants off. I hadn't used pillows like this since high school. It was fitting, since it felt like I was re-discovering my sexuality. I held myself up on one elbow, pressed my forehead down into my forearm, letting my chest and stomach brush the pillow for the sensation of closeness. In that position I could keep stroking myself while I pictured JJ under me. I could see him arching his back and pushing himself back against me, offering himself up for me to push deep into him. I tightened my grip on myself, remembering back to the girls who had let me do this to them. Before long I was grinding into my hand, gasping, sweating. I rolled onto my back once more as I neared orgasm, letting the sweat that had gathered on my chest chill me as it dried in the cool air of my apartment. I squeezed my eyes shut, picturing him riding me like woman would. Thinking of him like that, vulnerable yet in control, enjoying how it felt to have me inside of him, it was working fantastically for me. I longed to feel his skin against mine, his thighs on either sides of my hips, I longed to see the sexy smirk I envisioned on his lips. My chest tightened and I moaned softly as I came. The sounds I could practically hear him make as he came himself echoed in my ears even after the puddle on my stomach began to cool.

I carefully pulled the pillowcase off the pillow I had used in order to wipe myself clean, and tossed it toward the pile of laundry I had meant to do, but hadn't. As I lay in my afterglow I could feel myself sinking into a vast pit of loneliness. All I wanted was to be held by him. The tears came without sobs, just a few quick streams that ran back into my hair. Reaching for my phone, I let out a long sigh, preparing to read more about JJ and Reggie hooking up.

Nothing like reading the details of someone else fucking the closest person you have to a romantic partner to make you feel absolutely worthless.

JJ must have finally taken the hint that I wasn't very comfortable with his idyllic venting, because after my unintentional silence in response to his last long message, he had sent a sheepish _Anyway, how was your night after I left?_

 _Boring._ I sent. _I left not long after, I wanted to be able to hear my phone in case you needed me_. I sent. _Since Dee had left too, it got a little lonely_. I hesitated and added _lol_ before sending. I didn't want to come off as needy, even if that was exactly how I felt.

 _Sorry I bolted so fast_ was his response. _When you're with someone who's taken you kind of have to bend to their schedule_. Before I could word an answer a late _lol_ of his own came through. I stared at it for a moment, weighed down by the sadness I knew I couldn't have just been projecting onto the short text.

I recalled the last time a married man had toyed with him and how depressed and complacent he became, always being second. He had been constantly tossed aside and treated like a dirty little secret, but at least that guy had never put his hands on him. It pained me to know that days or even weeks would pass, JJ's face would heal, they would continue their affair, and eventually I would get the next call. Considering the brutality of the first one, I was already dreading the next.

 _I understand._ I finally responded when I realized a couple minutes had already passed and I didn't want to stop talking for the night yet. _What are you up to now?_ I sent, then typed out _Do you want me to come over?_ I deleted it, and wrote _Do you want some company?_ deleted it again, then wrote and sent _Were you planning on going to bed soon?_

 _Maybe. I should probably eat first_. I resisted the urge to offer to bring him something.

 _Do you want to talk on the phone before you crash?_ I asked instead.

 _Sure, one sec._

I waited. It took a few minutes for my phone to ring, and I picked up immediately.

"Hey" I said.

"Hi." he returned. It was quiet except for what sounded like the whir of the microwave on his end, and I regretted asking to talk. I had nothing substantial to say, and I felt vulnerable talking to him while I was naked in my bed. Even more so after thinking about him while masturbating.

"Making dinner?" I asked dumbly.

"Yeah, just heating something up."

"Ah, cool." It fell silent and I pulled my sheets up so I didn't have to think about my nakedness.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier." JJ said softly. "I know this kind of thing really gets to you."

"It's okay." I jumped to say. "I would rather be here as an ear than leave you without anyone to talk to. Even though, you know, I worry about you."

"I know you do, Drakey. You're so sweet." His food beeped and I listened while he shuffled around and plated it.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay." I told him, and I could feel my fear of my own identity crisis swell and shrink as I debated the next thing I wanted to say. "You know you mean a lot to me, JJ. You're the closest person to me." A wave of nausea followed that seemingly tame confession. JJ was quiet again and it made the nausea worse. "I mean, it's not like I'm dependent on you or anything-" I defended.

"No, I know what you mean. And I appreciate it. I really do. Especially with your past, I know it can't be easy-"

"If it's used for anything, I'd want my history to be helpful to you. Maybe that's why I've been so vocal about all this, because I know what it's like not to have anyone while you're in the fray. I know there's a lot of shame surrounding these situations, so it's even harder to talk about. I don't care that it makes me a little uncomfortable. I will be here for you because your safety is more important."

"Thank you so much, Drake. I think it will get better from here, but thank you for telling me. It makes me feel much safer knowing I can still come to you."

"Of course." His voice was so soft and sweet, I couldn't imagine getting angry enough to yell at him, much less get physical with him.

"I should eat before it gets cold." he said gently.

"Yeah, please. Eat. Get some rest, I'll see you in the morning. Oh, was it okay that I asked Dee to take a look at our case, and give us some pointers?"

"Oh. Well, I guess fresh eyes couldn't hurt." He sounded a little put-off, which was probably the pride he took in his work taking a hit.

"I hadn't really planned on asking him, but we've been so stuck. Eye candy for a while though, right?"

"Right." he answered. It was wrong of me to try to reintroduce Dee into his orbit, even as just a visual distraction, but it was already done. It was supposed to give me more of an opportunity to talk to Dee about what was going on with JJ, but after he shut me down so thoroughly tonight, it didn't seem likely. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

We hung up after sparse goodbyes, and everything felt wrong enough to keep me awake. I played mindless games on my phone in the dark for twenty minutes or so before I got another text from JJ.

 _Goodnight, Drakey. You really mean a lot to me too._

 _Goodnight JJ_. I typed out then added a smiley face, and sent it. The stupid butterflies rang through my chest and stomach. My hands shook from the implications, however subtle, that had probably seeped out through the smiley. I waited for a teasing text making jokes about me being straight and expressing if-onlys. They never came. JJ had accepted the smiley without feeling the need to point out the ordinarily flirty mode of expression. I let out a relieved breath and set my phone back down so I could roll over, wrap my arms around the naked pillow/JJ stand-in, and fall asleep.

The next morning JJ was in a much more sociable mood. He talked more, smiled more, and was able to focus on work again. If I didn't know it was bound to be short-lived, it would have put me at ease. He appeared to be receiving texts from Reggie, and it seemed positive.

I wondered what kind of job Reggie had that allowed him to text so frequently, and even send lewd pictures as far I could tell. Speaking of work, I glanced toward Ryo and Dee's desk. Dee wasn't in, it was a few hours into our shift already, and he hadn't shown up. Ryo, meanwhile, was speeding through paperwork like I had never seen. While JJ was distracted by his phone, I drifted over to Ryo's desk, pulling up a chair to sit next to him so I could speak quietly.

"Hey, where's Dee today?" I started, seating myself close to him.

Ryo jumped and laughed, startled by me. I guess he hadn't noticed me setting up the chair.

"He drank too much last night. Trust me, I'm going to personally thank James for his hospitality." He hesitated for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to put his pen down or continue working. He opted to give me his full attention.

"James?" I asked, "Dee was buying the drinks last night."

"This was later, once I got there. I didn't see you, maybe you had already gone home?" He puzzled for a minute and I nodded.

"Yeah, I left because he had left, then JJ left, and I didn't feel up to staying." I answered softly. I didn't want to expose that I was waiting on JJ to contact me if things got out of hands with Reggie.

"Oh, okay. I guess he came back to meet me once I left work." Ryo shrugged. "But James ended up buying him a bunch of drinks and I really had my work cut out for me once I managed to get Dee home, so he's sleeping it off, and I get to pick up the slack." He shrugged and let out a short breath.

"That's so nice of you." I laughed, amazed at his devotion.

"The things you do for love." Ryo answered wistfully. "Were you looking for him?"

"Yeah, I had asked him last night if he could take a look at our case. He said he would."

"Oh, he'll be in a little later, I set alarms for him. He should be in around noon or one at the latest."

"Okay, good. I was worried he might not be making it in today." I paused and threaded my fingers together, questions on the tip of my tongue that I couldn't quite get out.

"Did you want me to have to look, since he's not here yet?" Ryo asked, getting ready to stand and follow me to my desk.

"No," I answered quickly, "No, you've got plenty on your plate, but I do have a few questions to ask you."

"Alright." He spun his chair to give me even more of his attention and I suddenly felt like I had put myself on the spot.

"It's kind of personal." I shifted in my seat. "And it's kind of hard for me to talk about." Ryo leaned forward slightly, lacing his own fingers, which made me loosen mine self-consciously. I wiped my sweaty palms down my thighs.

"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" he asked seriously. "Break room?" I nodded, and we both stood to head toward the break room together. I stopped at JJ's desk to ask if he wanted anything.

"I'm fine." he smiled over his nearly full cup and I swooned, my knees nearly buckled at his one slightly arched brow. So I left him to text Reggie and fiddle with his pens. Ryo poured us each a cup of coffee and we sat in a quiet corner.

"So, what did you need to talk about?" Ryo asked, intensely and genuinely invested in me. It was intimidating.

"I wanted to ask about-" I froze, suddenly unsure of myself. "When you and Dee were first partnered together-" I got anxious thinking about what their first kiss might have been like. "Okay." I breathed. "How did you cope with realizing that you-" I choked and sipped my coffee quickly. "With realizing that you might not be straight?" I bit my lip and tried to look only half as concerned as I actually was.

"Oh!" Ryo sat back, confused and surprised. "Well, it wasn't all at once." He thought for a moment, head tilted, eyes distant. "It did take a couple years. We worked so closely, and lord knows he's a persistent guy. He spent a lot of time coming onto me, kind of forcefully, to be honest. But after a while I didn't really mind him kissing me. I started kissing him back." He seemed to reminisce for another moment. "Being physical was the next logical step. We both felt the same and once I got past my own hang-ups around him being a man, it just felt right. It's just bodies, what really matters is that we love each other and that we are meant to be together. Soulmates, If you believe in that kind of thing."

"So, how did you let him know about your feelings?" I asked. "How did you let him know that they had changed, and that you wanted to be with him," I cleared my throat uneasily, "uh, romantically?"

Ryo struggled with how to say it, then leaned forward and lowered his voice a little.

"I let him have his way with me like he had wanted since we met." He sipped from his own mug and left his eyes downcast. "Before that I was mostly just going along with the kissing. But he wanted more from me. Not like- I mean, emotionally. And we had been so cose for so long, then, I don't know, something clicked. I realized that I felt the same way about him, and physically-" He blushed and fumbled over his words, "Being intimate with another man was completely new to me, but he was gentle and mindful. At least, the first time he was. But we worked things out, let it happen organically. I mean, there were bumps in the road, like with any couple, but I think we're finally hitting smooth sailing." He was being more forthcoming than I had expected.

"Did being interested and involved with him change your performance at work? Did it distract you or him from doing what you need to? Or even make you ignore your training entirely, and maybe putting each other in more danger by doing so?" I knew I was starting to come off as a little strange, if not manic. But, I needed answers.

"We both ignored protocoI a few times, yes." Ryo seemed taken aback by my anxious and sharp manner of speech, but it made him no less verbose in his responses. "But ultimately we've done the best we can for each other. I think it's actually made us a better team."

"What exactly were the hang-ups you mentioned?" I asked, trying to find a connection to my own problem.

"Well, sex mostly." He stared at me until I started feeling uncomfortable enough to look away. "I don't now if this is appropriate work-talk." he finally said, "What is this about?" I sighed, knowing I would have to confess.

"Alright. I have a thing for someone, but it's kind of complicated." I mumbled.

"Really? Well, good! It's been a while since you put yourself out there." Ryo smiled and leaned across the table to pat one of my hands. "Who is it, do I know them?"

"Yes." My mouth was dry and the coffee wasn't helping.

"So, who is it?" he asked excitedly. There was no stopping it. The only way he would fully understand would be to tell the truth. He would know if I didn't. I rubbed the back of my neck and averted my eyes.

"JJ." I muttered.

"JJ? Really? That's fantastic!" His initial energy quickly evaporated and he looked over me quizzically. "Oh, that is complicated. He has a boyfriend now. Have you thought about telling him?"

"Every day for the past month or so." I responded guiltily. Ryo frowned and touched my hands again.

"That must be hard for you. Especially with his new relationship."

"It is." I grunted, "And sometimes it's almost like he knows, he gives me looks. He doesn't get weird about it if I'm more affectionate than just friends would be, but he dismisses it because I'm straight."

"Are you straight, Drake?" Ryo gave me a soft smile full of understanding and patience. "Maybe that's a bad place to start. So, you have 'a thing' for him. What does that constitute, for you?" I thought about JJ curled up in my bed, brushing his hair off his forehead, kissing him, making dinner for him. I was too embarrassed to say them out loud, and Ryo read that. "Is this a sex thing? Do you just want to try it, and since he's gay, and you spend a lot of time together-"

"No, it's definitely not." I interrupted. "I've only really thought about that once." I blushed, startled that I had admitted to that, and crossed my arms. "I want to have him around, I want to take care of him, I don't know." Ryo nodded and gestured for me to keep going. "Maybe I think of kissing him sometimes. And playing with his hair." Ryo's grin could have split his face in half, and he nodded more eagerly. "I want to cuddle with him and cook him dinner. Can we stop talking about it now?"

"Oh gosh, Drake, you're adorable." He laughed and leaned his elbows on the able between us. "We can stop talking about it, but you know you can talk to me about it whenever you want. It's so cute."

"Just don't tell anyone. I'm trying to figure everything out on my own time, I don't need anyone spilling to JJ and putting pressure on me to act on it or something."

"I swear, not a word." He zipped his lips.

"Thank you." We sat in comfortable silence for a minute. I frowned Before speaking again. "I just don't know what to do about it now that he's involved with someone. And I do not like this Reggie guy. JJ doesn't seem to want me to even meet him, and that really sucks because it feels like he's keeping me at arms length more now. It hurts."

"Wow, you've really got it bad for him, don't you?" He half-smirked. "Hey, speaking of JJ-" he leaned still closer. "I don't want to seem nosy, but JJ didn't really get into a bar fight, did he?" His tone was serious and level. For someone who came off as somewhat air-headed, Ryo was an astute detective.

"No. He didn't get into a bar fight. Reggie, did that to him. Don't spread that either. I've only mentioned it to Dee."

"Of course, that's immensely personal. I can understand why you feel the need to take care of him." Ryo's brows knotted with concern. "But, you've got me now, if you have any questions or need support or anything. You can reach out to me." He smiled and leaned back again. "God, he could really use someone like you." he said softly. I blushed again and focused on draining more of the coffee he had poured me.

"I've been thinking about following them and confronting Reggie when he's leaving JJ's place." I conceded.

"Oh, sneaky! I didn't think you'd be the type to get so Noir about it." He leaned in and smirked causally. "I don't exactly support stalking, but I'm sure there are other ways to get to the guy." He shrugged. "I mean, JJ has his phone number. How hard could it be?" He raised his eyebrows at me and stood to refill his coffee.

What did that mean? It took me a few moments of puzzling to gather what he might have been suggesting. It certainly wasn't something I had expected from Ryo. But how would I get to JJ's phone? He was practically glued to it, waiting on Reggie's responses. Maybe I would have to be even more 'Noir.' Just as he was about to sit across from me again, Ryo's phone went off, and he took the call. A tip on his case, so he left. I stared down into my coffee, hatching and sorting out what I would do once I got a hold of Reggie's number.

* * *

AN: Thank you for your patience, sorry it isn't longer, I have a lot of personal stuff going on atm. Will be trying to work on this more.


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